subversive influence

Other people have more years of thought and practice than I do concerning the church, but I do figure by now I've had my share. I do ponder a lot, turning things over a time or two and then leaving them for a week or more before turning them back to examine a different angle. Eventually there's a click, not always audible, and something new makes sense to me. And sometimes, though this is a rare privilege, years of thought can suddenly all decend on a single facet and in an instant, a myriad of previously shelved and irresolvable material can make perfect sense. What follows is a summary of church and small group experiences which have influenced my thinking on what church ought to look like.

Circa 1982-83: The first time I changed churches

It was time to move on from the church I had grown up in, so I picked up and moved over to the Baptist church. They had a better youth group and more girls to, er, befriend. My brother was dating a girl from the Baptist church, and he switched about the same time - my parents followed some months after that.

This was interesting. To the church I'd grown up in, the Baptists were worldly. To me at that age, this was just fine - I was somewhat less than serious about the finer points of theology, as long as the big questions were covered off. This also meant that there would be less concern about my choices of music to listen to. Prior to then, the only other church I had many friends in was the local Pentecostal church. I wasn't about to go there though... it wasn't the speaking in tongues, it was the extra trappings that those people were into. The friends I had there were nice enough and I enjoyed the bit of diversity they provided, but... well, at one point the church cancelled the Sunday evening services because that way they could all stay home and watch Jimmy Swaggart. Oops.

Anyway, the Baptist church was good for me, at least for a while. Although the prior church was a nice enough place to grow up, I remember it being more legalistic than anything, less concerned about God than about the church. Those are mostly pre-teen recollections, so they could be off. At any rate, as time went on in the Baptist church, I found at least a few people who were a bit more down-to-earth, and to whom I could relate; started meeting with some of the men in the church at 6AM once a week for Bible study and prayer. Eventually though, I ran aground of more church politics and subtleties of church doctrine that while I didn't fully agree with, I could live with. I was baptized there and later allowed it to influence my choice of Bible College.

Lessons learned: there's more to church life than legalism, and some people are more genuine about what they believe. When you're less concerned about what the church thinks, religion is considerably less stifling.

1986-88: Dorm Life & College Years

One of the early things that happened in college was that I found a few other radicals to hang with. These were a few guys who were outside the norm in most churches but who were serious about loving Jesus and doing stuff for his benefit. We used to meet nightly for prayer.

As for church attendance, I pretty much went wherever was convenient from week to week. I had a few friendships in dorm, and daily chapel services. Once a week was "missions chapel" which was the responsibility of the missions committee, and was generally considered the best of the week, since they had a band that did "contemporary" worship songs.

While in college I began attending a weekly prayer group off-campus. Despite a one-hour drive each way, I made attendance a priority, and usually had one or two people from college to commute with. The was in a few ways transformative. It had a strong charismatic bias, and I recall sharing communion once using a dark pumpernickel loaf, the leftovers of which were passed around and consumed just as if it was normal bread. (The church I'd grown up in would not have done that.) The group was made up of people from various churches and included a few students and alumni from the college I attended as well as one of the prof's, who taught occasionally in the group. Here I tasted christian fellowship in a new way; the group would gather informally and visit for a while, have a time of teaching, discussion, worship, and then break for prayer in smaller groups, which would scatter about the home in which we met. Refreshments appeared at some point and were consumed. The group was actually quite influential, with many people having attended for some period of time, such that many people in the city still recall the group fondly; it disbanded in 1998 when it reached the point where it seemed that it really needed to become a church of its own or fold. Disbanding was a measure of avoiding building something which nobody seemed to have a mandate to do, and to avoid building something entirely with transfer growth from other churches. The group wind-up included a charge for everyone to ask God what next, and I believe that several people started similar groups in their own churches.

Eventually I felt the need to settle into a church home, and began attending a Baptist church regularly. It was a charismatic Baptist church actually, one piloted by a former Anglican and assisted by a guy with a sharp recognized prophetic gifting. And perhaps the best worship team going at that time in the city, it was a happening place whose floor shifted noticeably up and down as people danced during the Sunday morning meetings.

Lessons learned: fellowship is important, as is the leading of the Holy Spirit, who appears to be Alive and Well on Planet Earth. It was during this period that I learned how journey-mates can comfort, strengthen, encourage and support you in your journey. It also became more apparent to me that life in Christ is meant to be one of freedom. I also learned that worship songs can be relevant and enjoyable (as can the act of worship) as well as learned that church can be enjoyable rather than staid, boring, and comprised of basically just "going through the motions."

1989-91: I change churches again, get married, more changes

In February 1989 after a Sunday morning meeting at the church I had become part of, I was praying and thanking God for the meeting and for the church he'd placed me in... and he interrupted me, speaking clearly to my heart that it was time to move on. I was not happy about moving, but immediately began attending an independent charismatic church.

Changing churches this time around had other implications - I was engaged at the time to my now-wife, and while she was happy (mostly) to follow my lead on the selection of a church home for us, the fact that we both had to feel drawn to and comfortable in this congregation was important. We fit right in, as we had a number of friends already in this church, and after taking it a bit easy for the first year, we dug right in and got involved in a variety of church activities.

We were placed in a small small group, only three couples to start off. There was the group-leader couple, an assistant-leadership couple (who were also friends of ours) and us. Honestly, that was weird, we were outnumbered by "leaders". Thankfully a few other couples joined within a few months.

The time came to "shuffle" the home groups around a bit, and we were asked by friends who led another group to co-lead with them. We accepted, and things went well for a year or two. As a group, we tried to share life together, with various group members sharing their "life stories" and all of us even getting away for a bit of a retreat at one point. All was good until the couple leading the group felt it was time for them to leave the church, which left us leading the group. Within 6-8 months, we had appointed new leaders and gone off to assist with "planting" a sister congregation.

In those days we prayed hard, shared a lot together, and spent a lot of time in meetings. We Marched For Jesus and we did worship conferences. One thing we talked about a fair bit was "The City-Church." Noting that in the New Testament, churches seemed to referred to as "the church at Corinth" (or wherever), it seemed to us that there must be a way to move back in that direction through closer working relationships with the other churches in the city. We didn't really envision a single "structure" for the church in a city, but when we spoke metaphorically it sometimes sounded to others like we wanted to abosorb all the churches in the city under our umbrella. This was not the case, but we were after a working unity among the churches, and eventually we saw some measure of this largely through common prayer and worship gatherings.

Lessons learned: too many leadership positions in a small setting is weird, even (or perhaps especially) among friends. Proposed structures for church that sound grandiose or subversive can be easily misunderstood.

circa 1992: Vineyard influence

In reality, I was influenced by the Vineyard back in the 80's and onward, but as it relates to the subject of church, there are a few points that were absorbed into my thinking around this time, so I'll sum it up here.

Firstly, the Langley Vineyard course materials for thier 'newcomers' classes included the question, "Am I a grape?" which essentially seemed an attempt to point out to people that they may not belong in the church they were trying to join... and if that was the case, they should probably move on. This is an interesting point because most churches try to recruit, and I think I've learned that it's much better and easier to try and sort this out ahead of time rather than deal with fallout later on. Setting people into where they belong is paramount, even if that's less convenient for you. A friend of mine is fond of saying, "If you get it right for the individual, you get it right for the whole, and if you get it right for the whole, you get it right for the individual."

Secondly, Gary Best (at that time of Langly Vineyard) was sharing around that timeframe his vision of church as a changing mosaic. It took time for this metaphor to sit well with me, but as I considered it, the metaphor really started to take hold. I love the way it's dynamic and fluid, not rigid. I imagine a stained glass window that shows a changing or different picture each time you look at it.

It was during this time that close friends of ours with whom we led a home group (see above) decided it was time for them to leave the church and start a work of their own. We wrestled hard with this, should we join them or stay where we were? Many people in the church assumed we would join them because we were close, but in the end we felt we should join the work planting a sister-congregation to the one we were in. We talked a lot about how the "joints" in the church work, with relationships being the "glue" that holds the whole body - all the parts - together. It didn't seem right to do things on a temporary basis, but it also didn't seem right that God would want to pull the joints apart. Eventually all of this was reconciled with the phrase, "Forever, for now." Build like you're in it for the long haul, and plan that way but keep listening to the Spirit. If he calls you to move, move... and if it doesn't feel like your arm being ripped off, you didn't build properly.

Lessons Learned: Church isn't supposed to be completely rigid and static, but fluid. Not everybody belongs where you try to join them, so don't force connections which aren't of God, rather help those people find ones that are - even outside your fellowship. Build "Forever, for now."

1994: We join a work planting a sister-church

As part of a leadership team for a new congregation, we shared life and passions about church, talked about what we wanted to build as we shaped a new church congregation. One thing was always evident in every conversation... nobody wanted church the way it always had been and the way it's done everywhere else. We wanted something different, new, fresh, down-to-earth, something real.

Most of the couples on the leadership team also led a home group, and we started one as well. We poured our lives into that home group for some 24-30 months. We took on only a few young couples in the church that held promise for future leadership, and then "closed" the group to new members. We poured out all that we had in our hearts for small groups, for sharing life, for the church, for leadership, for worship. We urged each couple to find places of service in the church, and all of them did. Finally, we shut the group down and told them to continue in their serving. After that, we "planted" two more home groups, getting them started and then handing off the group leadership to another couple.

There were departures too... over time, one of the couples we had worked with felt a growing theological difference with the church, and determined it was time to move on. This was a bit difficult, but we respected their reasons to move along as being good ones, and I felt it important to stick with the lesson about not joining what shouldn't be joined. Another couple we had worked with also felt it was time to leave, but this one was different. This couple had problems with the leadership of the church, and much of it zeroed in on me personally, things I had done and said that they felt were wrong and bad and other adjectives besides. This couple was one that we had become close to and one which we had attempted to join our lives with and walk together. In the final analysis, we met with them and two "mediators" while they listed every jot and tittle of grievance over the previous five years. I got as low as I could, copped to everything even stuff I couldn't remember doing, and apologized and repented for it. They left the church anyway. On top of it all, they called our relationship shallow, an assertion which when we told long-time friends that knew us both, simply laughed (a fact in which I take comfort). The whole affair took us years to get over.

Unfortunately things in the church gradually became "less fulfilling." Despite our strong and vocal desires for new forms of the practice of church, things really didn't look any different than in any other church. We did a few somewhat "radical" things but even had difficulty with the radical idea of serving coffee between the worship and the preaching parts of the Sunday meeting.

Lessons Learned: Church planting is new, exciting, and fun if you have a good group with you. Small groups are exiting, fun, and rewarding if you approach it properly. Avoid trying to do new things the old way, and vice-versa; you may end up with very little change... or the wineskin may burst and you'll spill the new wine. Sometimes things you thing are joined solidly are not. Sometimes being a leader just plain sucks. People can hurt you, but this confirms you are building properly.

circa 1994: Stated vision for small groups

The church we were part of had been running small home groups almost continuously for some 20-odd years, since the 70's. We had also rethought the process maybe a time or two too often; there were a lot of successes along the way from which to learn, not to mention the learning from failures. Unfortunately this had never been systematically examined, but we had been influenced by more recent small group "movements" or strategies, and a lot of reading was done on the subject. I considered all these things on my own, and began to outline my own thoughts on home groups. I began by writing a "job description" for small group leaders, and beginning to write a curriculum from which a group leader could draw material on an as-needed basis. This effort was watched and somewhat endorsed by the church leaders, but while it was well-reviewed it was never adopted.

I came to think of small groups like a classic old war movie... the ones which had all the cliches. We really are at war, all the time, with the Evil One who seeks the destruction of our souls; we just don't always act like it. When life is seen in this context, the war movie analogy makes sense. In a cliche war movie, you have a group of guys put together in the midst of adversity against a common foe. Each individual has their own struggles but they're pushing together in a unified direction. In the course of their battle, they will sit quietly and talk, sharing stories of home, dreams, aspirations, photos, and letters. Then a shot will ring out, and all of them will change from an informal sharing circle to a military operation where they push back the enemy, at least for now. As the turmoil passes, they settle back down, and realize they've lost Bobby or Jimmy and Hank or Joe or whoever is injured. Again they pull together to aid the wounded soldier and grieve the ones they've lost. They go back to sharing stories and letters, talking now about how they hope they make it home, about how Bobby or Jimmy won't ever be able to go into the hardware business with his uncle now.

This idea of life as a war movie helps clarify a few things. First, we're at war, and hard times could strike at any moment. Your small group is your platoon, the ones who "have your back", who look out for you in good times and bad, the ones you share your life with. The ones you rejoice with and mourn with, and walk through all of life's events with. People were made to be part of this kind of network. This is the vision I shared with the groups I led (after the first one), and the one I sowed. It's the one I advocated.

Lessons learned: small groups are critical to certain moments in everyone's life, thought they don't yet know those moments are coming. Share your life now so that others will share their lives with you and you'll be able to stand firm in your faith when adversity strikes.

circa 1996: A new vision for church structure

It seemed normal to talk about changing church 'wineskins' and what church would look like in the future. Some of this was hype or whatever leading up to the millennium, but not all of it... some of it was a genuine conversation about how the church needed to posture itself for longevity and to remain focused on its vision. During this season, while mulling over where we were as a church with multiple congregations and where we needed to be, I felt God speak to me about a radically different structure for church. God often speaks to me through the mulling-over of whatever he puts on my mind, and it can be difficult at times to sort out what's him and what's me... but there are times when it's quite clear to me which is which. This was one of those. I knew that what I had to share would not be popular, and in fact, it was certainly not received with as much optimism as I had for it, at lest not in the limited exchanges where I did share it with other leaders.

What I envisioned was a large number of small groups, each meeting together for weekly meetings, where the small group was the primary point of contact and connectedness to one another and to the church, and not a Sunday morning meeting. The Sunday morning meeting would take on a kind of "auxiliary" function, more of a celebration than a time for instruction. The small group leaders would gather together periodically to discuss what God was saying to their groups and what he was doing in their midst. In this way, an interconnectedness would be fostered. Some Sunday mornings, the small groups would gather on their own, and sometimes they would meet together with another group or two with whom they were connected or to whom God was speaking similarly. In addition, each Sunday there would be other groups who would gather together in regional areas of the city to worship or celebrate together. At high times on the calendar - Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving - a city-wide gathering could be arranged for a larger corporate celebration.

What I envisioned had a number of practical strengths. Efficient use of existing buildings could be facilitated in a way that would mean larger buildings would not be continually required to deal with centralized church growth. A dynamic life could be fostered within small groups, yet an avenue for larger corporate celebrations would still be provided, as well as a means for small groups to interrelate together in forums of a manageable size.

Lessons learned: don't make church structure a golden calf: change will come, and it could look radically different than what you know.

circa 1999-2002: Our family grows, but things in church decline

Our first daughter had been born the year before this timeframe, and our second was born in these years. Big changes at home, and especially at the birth of our first daughter, we strongly felt the love and affection of our church family as they blessed us with baby-shower gifts. One of our friends who organized the event said, "You have generous friends," which we took to mean there was a genuine outpouring of love toward us, which we certainly felt. Unfortunately that seems now like it was near the end of an era.

Things changed on the congregation leadership team. A few of the couples on the team left the church. Most of the ladies on the team stopped attending meetings, so that the leadership took on a defacto men-only format. Home groups began to be overseen by one of the other leaders rather than the pastor. Another of the couples on the leadership team stepped down, but stayed in the church. We did the same, and stopped attending a home group, though we remained participants in the "all leaders" group.

An "incident" occurred during this time: my wife and I did something we'd never done before. One Sunday morning we took our daughter out to a store, bought a kite, and went to the park to fly it and have a picnic. We skipped church entirely. It was incredibly freeing. When I told the pastor about it, I said it was the best Sunday morning I'd had in years. He seemed to understand, I'd been working hard in the church and was now strengthening connections in my family, which is of utmost importance. This led to several more instances of skipping church. (Surprisingly?) no guilt, it was all good.

Lessons learned: there's more to life than Sunday morning, lots more. There's more to life than being a leader in church, lots more. Hey, what's this? I have a family!

2002-2004: Changes abound

18 months to two years were spent discussing changes to the structure of the church, everything from how the sister-congregations should relate to whether they should be only one congregation to what the org-chart should look like so that all of the ministries are properly headed-up from the volunteer workers tier-by-tier up to the elders.

Where I had always felt that the small group meetings ought to be the "life-blood" of the church, spiritually strong and relationally dynamic but quite fluid in their structure, they seemed to stop being this way. I still consider leadership of a small group to be among the highest possible callings in the local church, but the group leaders were no longer the "cream of the crop" of leaders, often seeming to be selected simply on the basis of availability. To compensate, the groups became more rigidly structured - this as a result of providing enough guidance to the group leaders that they didn't have much lattitude left. At least this is my perspective on it, but given my biases I would be prone to overstate this.

Lessons learned: sometimes you can work with people for years, and your paths can slowly diverge and head off in different directions. It may take a jolting stop and some due consideration to figure out that this is what's happening.

Fall 2004: Finished.

The first all-leaders meeting in the fall of 2004 was bad and good. Bad in that it seemed to take all evening to get to the one piece of information I and others wanted to hear, and it was like pulling teeth to get it out. Good because once it was out, I felt a weight lift and a "release" in my spirit that I no longer needed to fight for this.

Many threads begin to come together to shape an understanding of what God is saying to us, right now. I don't normally have enough faith to believe in circumstance, and see God leading us in a particular direction. Things start to move quickly, crystalizing many years of thought and experience. At the end of November, I start to blog. At the outset I attempt to explore an old maxim, "The best theology is not found in books. It's in boots." Thinking on such themes quickly leads me to coin a new maxim, "Live your faith. Share your life."

Lessons learned: it's good to blog. "Live your faith. Share your life."

Summary

I am more convinced than ever of the value of small groups. I am convinced that the normal christian life is designed and intended to be a sharing of life... this is what causes the church to grow and to remain strong. I believe that the church should be joined together relationally, and that the health of the relationships will largely determine the health of the church. The structure of the church is intended to be fluid, allowing for change as directed by the Holy Spirit. Sometimes painful good-byes result from rearranging the joints in the church, and this can simply be a sign that it was built properly... forever, for now. Don't try to do new things the old way.

Gratia vobis et pax,
Brother Maynard.

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